Thursday, May 01, 2008

Mr. Sombrero

Okay, on average bugs do not scare, frighten or alarm me. They too share this earth with us and are entitled to their rights to survive.
That reminds me, when I was a child of about 6 I recall running inside after having been outside roller skating in the back yard. I exclaimed, ' can we be arrested for accidentally skating over ants ' ? To which, of course, the answer was, ' ah, nooo ', and I was relieved.
Anyhow, there is just one exception to my no fear policy and that would be any spider that is big enough to grow a mustache and wear a sombrero.
Last week my attention was diverted to Stripes (our male cat). He was pawing at something within the shower.
I had to peek around the shower door to see what was going on. He is always first in line for bug swatting so I knew it was probably a fly or something of that nature.
All I can say is that what I saw peering back up at me could have passed for something you would see puffing on a cigar and adjusting its top hat, it had that much oomph !
Okay, so it wasn't a tranchula but it was a close cousin. Okay, okay, a distant cousin but he could have served a whole flock of whatever the heck eats them.
Now, I do not encourage overpowering any other life form, but come on, it was me or Mr. 'In My Shower and Far Too High on the Food Chain', so, well you get the drift. I usually grab a napkin , scoop up the critter and free it outside.
I could not even phathom holding onto this one long enough to take even one step without freaking out fearing it was crawlin up my arms with combat boots on or sprouting wings and nesting on my forehead. Really like I said, it was meaty!
The part that really made me, the human, look desperate was when I reached under the counter for bug spray and found, well, Wd-40.
Just wanted to plug that, to my surprise, it works just fine for household emergencies.
So, it was goodbye to the sombrero man, whose last vision was a cats paw while he was probably thinking
' wtf is this lady spraying at me ' ?
I am sorry spider but any of you guys who are bigger than a half dollar sends me into psychosis.
Should any members of your cult show up I will be armed this time with...windex.

Needless to say his sombrero, bow tie, tap dancing days are in the past. I am sorry Mr. Spy, but I got spooked. Stupid human, I know.

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